Thursday, May 9, 2013

You Know You’re the Grandma of a Toddler When……..

…when you get undressed at night and Cheerios fall out of your bra

…when your arms and legs are embellished with bandaids featuring the Muppets and Dora the Explorer

….and your shoes, purse and glasses cases are embellished with an eclectic collection of stickers

….when you feel no qualms about plopping the little angel in front of the computer to watch multiple episodes of “Pocoyo” or “Elmo’s World” while you shovel food into her mouth.  (Quote from daughter Eleni—“Right!  I’ve always wanted to train my child to eat mindlessly in front of the TV.”)

…when you hear yourself coming out with conversational gems like: “Grandma has to go pee-pee in the toilet now.  No, you can’t watch.”

and….”If you go poo-poo in the potty chair, Grandma will let you watch another Pocoyo

…when you refer to your glass of sauvignon blanc as “Grandma juice”

…when, every time a camera is turned your way, you grab the toddler and place her in front of your less photogenic body parts

....when the pacifier falls to the ground in the middle of Park Avenue and you invoke the five second rule, wipe it on your sleeve and pop it back into her mouth.

…when you never leave the house without checking the contents of your emergency kit:  extra pacifier, juice box (make sure the straw is attached) goldfish crackers, baby wipes, extra diaper, Elmo band-aids, bubble blowing stuff.

…. when a temper tantrum in the middle of a fancy restaurant forces your ultimate weapon--you hand over your smart phone tuned to favorite episodes of Pocoyo.

…when you can recite “Mr Brown Can Moo, Can You?” by heart.  Not to mention “Goodnight Moon,” which you haven’t forgotten since you first learned it 35 years ago.

….and when your “Absolutely not!” can be transformed into “Maybe just this once” by those four little words: “I love you Grandma.”

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